The Big Bad Mood Cure

Today was just terrible. The worst. I got very little sleep, I worked later than I normally do, and anxiety had me in it's clutches. I did my best to fend it off (see my last post) but I was still cranky. Actually, I was worse than cranky. I was deep in the clutches of a super terrible Big Bad Mood. The Biggest....

AND THEN...

I CHECKED MY EMAIL
I expected to find a bunch of Google alerts to delete. What I found instead was an e-mail thanking me for an e-mail I sent a couple of days ago. You see,  I sent an encouraging note to someone the other day and thanked them for inspiring me. I didn't expect anything in return so imagine my surprise when I opened up an email thanking me for my note. It was lovely. I felt so happy that I had made the day for someone else. And you know what? My BIG BAD MOOD retreated. I felt a thousand times better because I made a difference in someone's life.
So, you know what?

Next time a Big Bad Mood takes a hold of you, find a person to encourage. Tell someone they matter. It will make a difference! You'll see!

De-stressed Living

It's been about a week since my last post. It's shameful, I know. I spent the first part of that week moving my possessions to Wichita and the middle of the week working. Now it is the weekend again and I am feeling tired and guilty that I've been putting off writing. To make up for it, I wrote for a long time today. For the first time in several weeks I felt a bit inspired. In reality my inspiration is probably not inspired at all but, hush, I don't want anyone to burst my bubble quite yet.
I've also been reading a lot. Or, more accurately, I've been researching. You see, I am whole-heartedly on the organic-green-conservation-natural-clean-living bandwagon and my research this week has been all about living chemical free. That's not what this post is about, though. Nor is this post about organic raw honey or intentional obsolescence, my other two recent obsessions (did you know companies manufacture printers with microchips that shut the printer down after a certain number of uses so that you go out and buy a new one??? Seriously -- Google it).
THIS POST IS JUST ABOUT LIVING

You see, I've thought a lot about living recently and I think that many people don't embrace real life enough. In our hyper-technological fast-paced society, we've reduced living to internet, television, video games, and fast food. We live with a faster/newer-is-better mentality. we crave instant gratification. This mentality permeates everything our society is about. We want faster cars, the most fashionable clothes, the newest computers, iPads, software, video games. We build up stress with our busy lives and then medicated with cutting edge pharmaceuticals so we can stress some more. Somehow we associate these things with success and we tell ourselves we're living.

I'm joining a revolt. I would start one but it's already been started. I'm not revolting against technology; I'm revolting against the modern mentality. The more-more-more lifestyle leaves me feeling empty. I'm turning my attention to new things. The funny thing is, the new things happen to be old.

OLD REMEDIES AND OLD SOLUTIONS

When I get away from modern materialism, I spend more time with my family and friends. I spend more time outdoors. I'm happier and less stressed. I'm healthier. I write more.

It is a challenge in modern America to get away from the modern mentality of speed-speed-speed and instant gratification -- it is everywhere we look. Most of the people we know probably live that way. We see it on the streets and in the stores and on television. Everywhere we are challenged to buy this product, drive this car, or solve all our ailments with a host of medications recommended by 4 out of 5 doctors.

SO WHAT CAN WE DO?

There are a lot of small things we can do to slow our lives down and de-stress without giving up "normal."

1. Be Active
We all know activity is healthy for your body but it is healthy for your mind to. Make a goal to be active every day. You can walk a mile at lunchtime or do yoga in the morning or even just dance naked around your living room to polka music -- whatever floats your boat. Just make sure it's fun and get's you moving. You'll feel your mood lift and that stress headache you've been fighting might just melt away.

2. Schedule some "me" time every day.
brew some chamomile tea and read a book or just go for a walk in the park. Do something relaxing and fun and do it alone. This helps me tremendously with mental clarity and resets my emotions, especially if I've had a particularly stressful day.

3. Meditate
I do this a lot. Not full out monk medication in lotus position, intoning "Ohm," but something much simpler and still positive. Most often I do breathing meditation. I do it in the car or at work or right before a big meeting -- whenever I'm feeling stressed and overwhelmed. It helps to center me and calms me down when I'm nervous or stressed. It will help you too, just to slow down for a moment and regroup. Stop and just breathe. In. Out. In. Out.

To do this, close your eyes and breath in through your mouth. Breath slowly and deeply. Exhale through your nose. Repeat. Concentrate on the breathing and relax.

That's it! Easy, huh? Just a couple simple things can set you on the path to a healthier, less stressful, more connected you!

For more tips and information on meditation, check out this page: http://www.how-to-meditate.org/breathing-meditations.htm/

4. Garden
Not only is gardening better for you nutritionally, it is therapeutic. In fact, many mental institutions use gardening as a therapy tool and you should too! If you don't want a vegetable garden, that's OK. you can plant flowers, herbs, or whatever you want!

Don't have room? Sure you do! You can plant a little herb garden in a few glass jars and set them on your window sill -- Or do something clever like this blogger.
http://www.crunchybetty.com/tuesdays-outside-the-box-jars-and-small-space-gardening

WHAT ELSE?

Do you have a de-stress tip or a better-living tip to share? Let me know!

Dreams

Today has been mostly uneventful. I’m preparing to move tomorrow, so much of what I own is in storage. The monkish living is a truly strange experience. If you haven’t tried it you should. Just pack everything up, stick it in the garage, and live in your empty house or apartment for a week. You will begin to feel closer to the Buddha and enlightenment and then you begin jonesing for your television or your sock puppets and you will run to the garage and retrieve all your beloved possessions and vow never to think of the Buddha or enlightenment again.

Anyway, I had strange, detailed dreams last night that left me feeling strange once I had awoken. I don’t specifically remember the dreams now but it got me thinking on the topic. I have intense, detailed dreams all the time. They are usually complete with plot and conflict and characters and rife with emotions. They even come in color!  I wish I could remember the dreams and use them in my work but alas they leave me when I wake. I think I want to write something about dreams or the dream world. I just haven’t decided what that will be.

Do any of you have strange dreams that linger with you after you wake up? Do you dream in color or black and white? Do you think dreams have meaning or do you think they are just random neurological firings?

Oh Yeah... I'm a Grown Up With Nasty Growths Called Responsibilities

Today was luxurious. I went to work at a god-forsaken early hour, but the restaurant was dead so I had eight hours to mostly daydream while I cleaned some and randomly making a sandwich or two. When I got off, I went grocery shopping, ran a short errand, and was home by five. Here my luxury heightened. I felt free. It’s summer. I’ve already graduated college. I don’t start graduate school for another four weeks. FREEDOM!!! So, I lazed around the house and surfed the web for natural, green, homeopathic recipes because I’m a granola girl. The whole time I felt utterly guiltless and carefree…. It was heavenly… There wasn’t a thing I could bring to my mind that I needed to accomplish – And then my parents came by to drop off milk. (It’s lovely. Kind of like having a milkman drop milk at your doorstep.)

The conversation went something like this.

“Hello dear, you’re looking lovely in your oversized college sweats with your hair piled on top of your head. What have you been up to today?”

“Hello, Father. I’ve been surfing the Internet for four hours feeling burden-less and fancy-free. Thank you for the milk.”

“That sounds lovely, indeed, daughter, but shouldn’t you be writing? Don’t you need to finish three short stories in the next four weeks? Haven’t you been planning to work on them all summer? Haven’t you been procrastinating?”

Drat. Lovely carefree laziness over.

Despite the post I uploaded a few days ago about dedication and perseverance and commitment, I still struggle – in a major way – to buckle down and write each day. I make excuses, book plans, and sometimes just forget. Or, like today, I sometimes want to release my creativity in other ways. I’m very crafty. I’m also volatile, Anxious, and given to mood swings. Hands-on creativity has a calming effect on me. I swear, it’s better than Xanax. All of that aside, though. I’m still a writer and that means I need to write. Every day… or at least several times a week… right?

I thought I would share this post because I have a feeling all creative people have to struggle sometimes to commit to work when the mood isn’t striking them.

Thanks, Dad, for giving me a kick in the right direction.

If anyone reads this and you have an experience to share, leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!

Storms

There was a storm today. It came like a ninja – Silent and Sudden and Deadly. It was over in twenty minutes but up until that point I was afraid I would die as the building imploded under the load of rain and falling trees. Afterward, when the rain had mostly stopped and the sky lightened, I went outside because the power was out. Amazing things happen when electricity disappears. Everyone was outside. People were social, milling about talking to folks. A young couple was taking a walk in the rain and jumping in large puddles. A few other folks were clustered around a tree that had fallen on a trio of cars. Everyone was talking and laughing and children were playing. It felt like Utopia. It wasn’t a writerly moment at all. It was full of cliché’s and cheesy happiness: Pardon me while I puke. Still, I had been sitting at the computer all day waiting for inspiration to strike me and it didn’t even come close until the storm.

No power = sudden cheesy happiness? Makes me wonder if we, in all the glory of technology, have lost something vital to our humanity.

Writer's "Block"

Over the holiday, I thought a lot about topics to write about. Thinking about writing makes me feel like I am actually doing work while I am really just swimming or day dreaming or drinking bourbon with a squeeze of lemon (excellent, by the way. You should try it.)

I had some great stuff with firework metaphors (perfect, right?) and something about barbecuing -- really stellar -- None of it, though, really focused on the challenge that every writer encounters: The challenge to produce work.

I struggle every day just to sit down at my computer and pound out a paragraph before I succumb to the distraction of a word, a song, or a daydream floating in my head. And while I am sure that some small part of it has to do with the allusiveness of inspiration, I am also certain that most of my problem has more to do with fear than anything else. I am terrified of producing crappy work, so in an effort to prevent that certainty from happening, I produce nothing. Anything I manage to eek out gets over analyzed and dismissed by my overactive self criticism before it can ever develop into anything remotely close to complete. 

Okay, so I have diagnosed the problem. What can I do about it?

1. Create a low-stress writing outlet.

A blog for example? Great. I've already got one of those. This solution stuff is going to be easier than I thought.

Blogging provides a writer with a reason to write every day without the added pressure for everything to be perfect and brilliant. After all, it's just a blog. Once a writer gets in the habit of sitting down every day and writing for a half hour or so, half the battle is won.

2. Free Write

Yeah, I know free-writing is cliched advice and I know it normally doesn't work but I don't expect anyone to do that free association Freudian crap. Write something you are interested in and don't expect it to turn into anything publishable. Sure, make it cohesive. Don't float random words on the page like a hippie, but don't put pressure on yourself to make this an art piece. Instead, focus on the rhythm of writing and concentrate on your sentences. Something might come out of this exercise that can be expanded but even if it doesn't, the act of writing itself will loosen your creative juices and concentrating on your word choice and sentence development is a good exercise for any writer, so you're not wasting your time.

3. Walk Backward

Is this Voodoo? No. It's a way of getting your mind unstuck by doing something you don't normally do. Do you have to walk backward? Of course not. Just doing something out of the ordinary will work. Take a different route on your daily walk through the park. Go on a bike ride. Rock climb. I do advise you do something physical ( don't just buy a new video game to play or watch CBS instead of FOX. I don't think that will work.)

While you are participating in your chosen new experience, think about all the sensory elements. What does the air smell like? How does the sun (or the cold) feel on your skin? Do you hear sounds? What are they? Where are they coming from? Can you develop origin stories for the sounds?

This may seem pointless but try it anyway. You may return to your computer with a new story or scene taken directly from your experience or, at the very least, you will return refreshed from physical exercise and mentally renewed from the change in scenery.

4. Discipline

Fundamentally, the hardest step is the last one. Discipline. The word alone evokes nasty images of drill sergeants or screaming children getting spanked. Discipline, though, just means a regimen that develops or improves a skill.

The regimen of daily writing is the most important step in producing work. I know it is hard. I know your brain screams at you and everything you produce is crap and ends up getting trashed anyway. I know. But write anyway. Write every day. Eventually something you pound out will have some merit.

My dad used to tell me Writer's write. It's obvious, sure, but think about what is hidden behind those words. Many people are "aspiring writers." What holds them back? Discipline. Many other less talented people have made a living doing that very thing of which more talented "aspiring writers" only dream. What sets them apart? Just their ability to glue their butt in a chair and write their hearts out.

Workday Woes

 

First and foremost, I am a writer. When I’m not doing that, however, I make money any way I can. Right now, while I am patiently waiting to start my glorious teaching career in August, I work at a fast food restaurant for $7.25 per hour.

Today was my first day off this week and when I woke this morning, just one thing was on my mind: Tomorrow I have to go to work again. Even as I had that groggy, half formed thought, another part of me screamed at the wrongness of letting a fast food restaurant consume me so utterly. I know it’s absurd and yet each work day, I push away the panic that rises in my chest, breathe deeply, and dress in a disgusting polyester uniform, all the while telling myself that it will all be over in eight hours. I can last for eight hours. I think I can, I think I can…

Why does the thought of spending eight hours smiling and taking orders, bagging food, and stocking fill me with such terror? I don’t know. I really don’t. I have tried to analyze the situation. I’ve thought of possible reasons – coworkers, customers; the stress of rushes; the heat of spending summer in a poorly air-conditioned kitchen. None of this, though, adds up to the amount of stress I go through every day. All I want, in fact, is to be able to quit. Soon that will be a reality but I fear it may not be soon enough.

This suffering affects my life beyond work as well. When I come home I feel emotionally drained. I am incapable of writing and, usually, I just fall asleep for a couple of hours and wake with a headache. My only enjoyable days are my days off and even those are dampened by the awareness that so soon they will be over and I will have plod off to yet another day of mind numbing boredom.

Maybe that’s it. As I said it, the reasoning made so much sense. The boredom is what gets to me. That is what causes me so much stress. I am forced into eight hours of terrifying mindlessness. Questioning gets reprimanded. Conversations are trivial (career fast food workers don’t read Nietzsche. They read Danielle Steele). It is in these moments that I feel my soul strangling for air.

Sadly, this is the environment in which most Americans spend their lives -- the prison of the mind. For some, that prison of mundane sameness may not be a prison at all. Some people find security in knowing exactly what will happen day after day for the rest of their lives. There is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes I long to be one of those people myself. For the select few, though, who realize our predicament and long for escape, not into laziness but into honest, creative productivity, I suggest guerilla warfare. One day at a time we will storm the prison gates and take back our lives from the clutches of those pudgy balding men in stained shirt sleeves and ugly wrinkled women in power suits!

Step One: Coffee.