Back Again

Hi all,

As you may have noticed, I have not posted to this blog since I moved and started graduate school. Frankly, I have been on a ride of insanity that is only just beginning (in the next week, perhaps) to calm down.

Over the last semester I have gone through a lot a changes, made a lot of mistakes, and learned a lot about myself and my work. There will be more details in the days to come. Until then, please enjoy the little post below:

My whole working life I have had to deal with feeling trapped and strangled at work. Not physically strangled, of course. It's a metaphor. Relax.

Now back to my topic... I have always felt trapped and it's caused me anxiety and stress, which I had trouble dealing with. Now, since I work longer hours than ever, I feel this even more. The following concepts are a pastiche of visualization tools from a variety of sources but I thought I would share them with you, because they work.

1) Think for a moment about the concepts of having space, freedom and peace. What images come to mind? Do you think of the beach? A trip to the lake? Being at church? Being alone at home?

2) Now select an object that you will can carry with you that will act as a touchstone of sorts to help you revisit that emotion state of peace. It can be a memento, a picture of your vacation spot, a stuffed animal, etc.

3) Hold the selected object in your hands, while you think about having space, freedom and peace. Visualize those positive emotions flowing into the object.

5) Anchor it in your mind by saying out loud I have space, freedom and peace while holding your object.

6) Carry the object with you. Several times a day, or when you start to feel tired, angry or depressed, touch this object and say to yourself I have space, freedom and peace. It only takes a few seconds, but it will tell your mind to focus and maintain calm.

7) Pay attention to how you feel after this exercise. Any sense of relief is an improvement.

Sanity and Change

It has been a while since my last post. I have spent that time working and packing and settling my mind with the idea that I am moving to Wichita. I'm scared. Yes, it is irrational. I know. As much as I tell myself everything will be fine, I can't make myself believe it.

I don't handle change well. To be honest, I never have. Every time I move, switch jobs, or even cancel a night at the movies, I am thrown into upheaval. I like to be in control and when I'm not, I panic.

What does this have to do with you? Well, nothing... directly... but I have the feeling that I'm not the only one who struggles with change. Change pushes us out of our comfort zones. We are forced to expand our horizons, make new friends, and learn new things. Sometimes it is hard but much of the time it is rewarding as well. All that said, here are a few tips of staying sane through life's upheavals.

1. FAMILIARITY

If you are moving to a new place or even a new office, the upset of a new environment can stress out your psyche even without the additional stresses associated with massive change. Limit the harsh effects of a new environment by bringing some of your old environment with you. Pictures of family, favorite decorations, blankets, books, etc... Having parts of your old environment in the picture with help you acclimate more easily and personal items have a calming effect on stressed minds. That is why children so often have comfort items.

2. STOMPING GROUNDS

Let me start by saying: DON'T DO WHAT I DO... I tend to curl up and hide when I'm uncomfortable. OK, not really, but emotionally I do. I reject the unfamiliar and stay within the tightest bounds possible: work, school, home, work, school, home....

This method doesn't work well for me and it won't work well for you either. In fact, because I know this method doesn't work, I am going to try very hard not to fall into it when I get to Wichita. What I'm going to do instead is familiarize myself with the city. I'm going to visit restaurants, stores, and parks. I'm going to look at a map to figure out the layout of the city and what the best routes are. I'm going to let myself get lost (after I'm sure my GPS is working.) By becoming familiar with my new environment, I will establish it as a comfort zone. Instead of feeling isolated and uncomfortable, I will hopefully begin to recreate the familiarity I had with my old home and job and school.

3. FRIENDS

Friends are a hard change to make. We make friends with people for a reason. We like them. When we have to leave and find new friends, it is easy to search for the perfect person and be overly critical when "Sally" is different then "Jessica," who you left back home. Don't fall into this trap. You can remain friends with people you knew before and make friends with new people too. Embrace everyone for who they are. New friends are part of new experiences and they make life in a new place more bearable.


I only hope I can follow my own advice. Au revoir, Tulsa!

The Big Bad Mood Cure

Today was just terrible. The worst. I got very little sleep, I worked later than I normally do, and anxiety had me in it's clutches. I did my best to fend it off (see my last post) but I was still cranky. Actually, I was worse than cranky. I was deep in the clutches of a super terrible Big Bad Mood. The Biggest....

AND THEN...

I CHECKED MY EMAIL
I expected to find a bunch of Google alerts to delete. What I found instead was an e-mail thanking me for an e-mail I sent a couple of days ago. You see,  I sent an encouraging note to someone the other day and thanked them for inspiring me. I didn't expect anything in return so imagine my surprise when I opened up an email thanking me for my note. It was lovely. I felt so happy that I had made the day for someone else. And you know what? My BIG BAD MOOD retreated. I felt a thousand times better because I made a difference in someone's life.
So, you know what?

Next time a Big Bad Mood takes a hold of you, find a person to encourage. Tell someone they matter. It will make a difference! You'll see!

De-stressed Living

It's been about a week since my last post. It's shameful, I know. I spent the first part of that week moving my possessions to Wichita and the middle of the week working. Now it is the weekend again and I am feeling tired and guilty that I've been putting off writing. To make up for it, I wrote for a long time today. For the first time in several weeks I felt a bit inspired. In reality my inspiration is probably not inspired at all but, hush, I don't want anyone to burst my bubble quite yet.
I've also been reading a lot. Or, more accurately, I've been researching. You see, I am whole-heartedly on the organic-green-conservation-natural-clean-living bandwagon and my research this week has been all about living chemical free. That's not what this post is about, though. Nor is this post about organic raw honey or intentional obsolescence, my other two recent obsessions (did you know companies manufacture printers with microchips that shut the printer down after a certain number of uses so that you go out and buy a new one??? Seriously -- Google it).
THIS POST IS JUST ABOUT LIVING

You see, I've thought a lot about living recently and I think that many people don't embrace real life enough. In our hyper-technological fast-paced society, we've reduced living to internet, television, video games, and fast food. We live with a faster/newer-is-better mentality. we crave instant gratification. This mentality permeates everything our society is about. We want faster cars, the most fashionable clothes, the newest computers, iPads, software, video games. We build up stress with our busy lives and then medicated with cutting edge pharmaceuticals so we can stress some more. Somehow we associate these things with success and we tell ourselves we're living.

I'm joining a revolt. I would start one but it's already been started. I'm not revolting against technology; I'm revolting against the modern mentality. The more-more-more lifestyle leaves me feeling empty. I'm turning my attention to new things. The funny thing is, the new things happen to be old.

OLD REMEDIES AND OLD SOLUTIONS

When I get away from modern materialism, I spend more time with my family and friends. I spend more time outdoors. I'm happier and less stressed. I'm healthier. I write more.

It is a challenge in modern America to get away from the modern mentality of speed-speed-speed and instant gratification -- it is everywhere we look. Most of the people we know probably live that way. We see it on the streets and in the stores and on television. Everywhere we are challenged to buy this product, drive this car, or solve all our ailments with a host of medications recommended by 4 out of 5 doctors.

SO WHAT CAN WE DO?

There are a lot of small things we can do to slow our lives down and de-stress without giving up "normal."

1. Be Active
We all know activity is healthy for your body but it is healthy for your mind to. Make a goal to be active every day. You can walk a mile at lunchtime or do yoga in the morning or even just dance naked around your living room to polka music -- whatever floats your boat. Just make sure it's fun and get's you moving. You'll feel your mood lift and that stress headache you've been fighting might just melt away.

2. Schedule some "me" time every day.
brew some chamomile tea and read a book or just go for a walk in the park. Do something relaxing and fun and do it alone. This helps me tremendously with mental clarity and resets my emotions, especially if I've had a particularly stressful day.

3. Meditate
I do this a lot. Not full out monk medication in lotus position, intoning "Ohm," but something much simpler and still positive. Most often I do breathing meditation. I do it in the car or at work or right before a big meeting -- whenever I'm feeling stressed and overwhelmed. It helps to center me and calms me down when I'm nervous or stressed. It will help you too, just to slow down for a moment and regroup. Stop and just breathe. In. Out. In. Out.

To do this, close your eyes and breath in through your mouth. Breath slowly and deeply. Exhale through your nose. Repeat. Concentrate on the breathing and relax.

That's it! Easy, huh? Just a couple simple things can set you on the path to a healthier, less stressful, more connected you!

For more tips and information on meditation, check out this page: http://www.how-to-meditate.org/breathing-meditations.htm/

4. Garden
Not only is gardening better for you nutritionally, it is therapeutic. In fact, many mental institutions use gardening as a therapy tool and you should too! If you don't want a vegetable garden, that's OK. you can plant flowers, herbs, or whatever you want!

Don't have room? Sure you do! You can plant a little herb garden in a few glass jars and set them on your window sill -- Or do something clever like this blogger.
http://www.crunchybetty.com/tuesdays-outside-the-box-jars-and-small-space-gardening

WHAT ELSE?

Do you have a de-stress tip or a better-living tip to share? Let me know!

Dreams

Today has been mostly uneventful. I’m preparing to move tomorrow, so much of what I own is in storage. The monkish living is a truly strange experience. If you haven’t tried it you should. Just pack everything up, stick it in the garage, and live in your empty house or apartment for a week. You will begin to feel closer to the Buddha and enlightenment and then you begin jonesing for your television or your sock puppets and you will run to the garage and retrieve all your beloved possessions and vow never to think of the Buddha or enlightenment again.

Anyway, I had strange, detailed dreams last night that left me feeling strange once I had awoken. I don’t specifically remember the dreams now but it got me thinking on the topic. I have intense, detailed dreams all the time. They are usually complete with plot and conflict and characters and rife with emotions. They even come in color!  I wish I could remember the dreams and use them in my work but alas they leave me when I wake. I think I want to write something about dreams or the dream world. I just haven’t decided what that will be.

Do any of you have strange dreams that linger with you after you wake up? Do you dream in color or black and white? Do you think dreams have meaning or do you think they are just random neurological firings?

Oh Yeah... I'm a Grown Up With Nasty Growths Called Responsibilities

Today was luxurious. I went to work at a god-forsaken early hour, but the restaurant was dead so I had eight hours to mostly daydream while I cleaned some and randomly making a sandwich or two. When I got off, I went grocery shopping, ran a short errand, and was home by five. Here my luxury heightened. I felt free. It’s summer. I’ve already graduated college. I don’t start graduate school for another four weeks. FREEDOM!!! So, I lazed around the house and surfed the web for natural, green, homeopathic recipes because I’m a granola girl. The whole time I felt utterly guiltless and carefree…. It was heavenly… There wasn’t a thing I could bring to my mind that I needed to accomplish – And then my parents came by to drop off milk. (It’s lovely. Kind of like having a milkman drop milk at your doorstep.)

The conversation went something like this.

“Hello dear, you’re looking lovely in your oversized college sweats with your hair piled on top of your head. What have you been up to today?”

“Hello, Father. I’ve been surfing the Internet for four hours feeling burden-less and fancy-free. Thank you for the milk.”

“That sounds lovely, indeed, daughter, but shouldn’t you be writing? Don’t you need to finish three short stories in the next four weeks? Haven’t you been planning to work on them all summer? Haven’t you been procrastinating?”

Drat. Lovely carefree laziness over.

Despite the post I uploaded a few days ago about dedication and perseverance and commitment, I still struggle – in a major way – to buckle down and write each day. I make excuses, book plans, and sometimes just forget. Or, like today, I sometimes want to release my creativity in other ways. I’m very crafty. I’m also volatile, Anxious, and given to mood swings. Hands-on creativity has a calming effect on me. I swear, it’s better than Xanax. All of that aside, though. I’m still a writer and that means I need to write. Every day… or at least several times a week… right?

I thought I would share this post because I have a feeling all creative people have to struggle sometimes to commit to work when the mood isn’t striking them.

Thanks, Dad, for giving me a kick in the right direction.

If anyone reads this and you have an experience to share, leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!

Storms

There was a storm today. It came like a ninja – Silent and Sudden and Deadly. It was over in twenty minutes but up until that point I was afraid I would die as the building imploded under the load of rain and falling trees. Afterward, when the rain had mostly stopped and the sky lightened, I went outside because the power was out. Amazing things happen when electricity disappears. Everyone was outside. People were social, milling about talking to folks. A young couple was taking a walk in the rain and jumping in large puddles. A few other folks were clustered around a tree that had fallen on a trio of cars. Everyone was talking and laughing and children were playing. It felt like Utopia. It wasn’t a writerly moment at all. It was full of cliché’s and cheesy happiness: Pardon me while I puke. Still, I had been sitting at the computer all day waiting for inspiration to strike me and it didn’t even come close until the storm.

No power = sudden cheesy happiness? Makes me wonder if we, in all the glory of technology, have lost something vital to our humanity.