Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Fear of Failure?


When I meet people and they hear that I studied writing or that I like to write ( I seldom say I’m a writer because I’ve never been one to have confidence), they inevitably ask me about it. “What are you writing now?” They say, or “What do you like to write?” Their eyes light up and their cheeks flush and they inhale just a little too quickly. They try to hide their crush like any self respecting acolyte, but it's overtaken them already and I don't want to disappoint. 

There is no way I can admit the truth--that I am a displaced writer, an orphan searching for a place to land after ejecting (in black robes and a mountain of debt) from the hallowed halls of my university home. I cannot tell my admirers that most of my writing is memos and forms from my boring 9 to 5 office job for which I am 8 years and $80,000 overqualified. I cannot say that the rest of my writing is nothing more than my release into my own pensive: a reliquary for the deep darkness in my soul that can never come to light. 

So instead I am expertly vague. I mention the bare bones of a couple of projects I started two years ago and never finished. I tell them about the new project I am “conceptualizing,” but have yet to put words to paper. Only occasionally am I brave enough to tell an echo of the truth: “nothing,” I say, and I watch the light leave their eyes. They will not fall in literary love so easily again.

I am afraid to disappoint the few people who believe in me, but I am even more afraid to disappoint myself. For all my solutions and advice, most of me is just that chaotic creative who can't buckle down and focus and is still so afraid of failure. If I am fully introspective, though, I realize that there is another part that is not afraid of failure at all; she is afraid of what will happen if she succeeds.

And why is that? What self actualized woman, fully educated with a vision of who she wants to be and where she wants to go succumbs to a fear of success? How can such a fear even exists in me?

Do you have answers? I don't, but I don't doubt that even if you don't have answers, you've likely experienced my same fear. Let's work to overcome it together.

The one thing I do know is this: Fear does not define me. If I let it rule my success or my failure, I am letting it win. That cannot happen, and so I press on toward the vision. Adoring acolytes or not, the next time someone asks me what i'm working on, I will have a literary answer, and it will not be a lie.

Will you?

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Peter Pan and the Shadow

I always loved Peter Pan lore -- a boy, young forever, who could fly with fairy dust and whisk children from their mundane lives away to Neverland. And then I grew. I saw the darkness woven into Peter Pan, and more significantly, I saw darkness in myself.

The traditional Peter Pan story involves Peter searching for his shadow. The shadow has gotten away from him and is causing mischief. Once Peter captures his shadow, he sews it to himself so that it cannot escape again. My own shadow is strong, and  I am easily overcome by its allure. As hard as I try, the darkness is still there, and it calls to me. I am envious of those who do not struggle in this way. I am envious of those who are innocent and those happy with consistency and normalcy. At the same time that I desire normalcy, I abhor it because to be normal and consistent would be to cease to be myself. I have never been normal and consistent for very long. I have tried and I have failed. And so I am caught in between -- between a career and a family, between love and loneliness, between God and the devil,  between innocence and corruption. I am between.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Sanity and Change

It has been a while since my last post. I have spent that time working and packing and settling my mind with the idea that I am moving to Wichita. I'm scared. Yes, it is irrational. I know. As much as I tell myself everything will be fine, I can't make myself believe it.

I don't handle change well. To be honest, I never have. Every time I move, switch jobs, or even cancel a night at the movies, I am thrown into upheaval. I like to be in control and when I'm not, I panic.

What does this have to do with you? Well, nothing... directly... but I have the feeling that I'm not the only one who struggles with change. Change pushes us out of our comfort zones. We are forced to expand our horizons, make new friends, and learn new things. Sometimes it is hard but much of the time it is rewarding as well. All that said, here are a few tips of staying sane through life's upheavals.

1. FAMILIARITY

If you are moving to a new place or even a new office, the upset of a new environment can stress out your psyche even without the additional stresses associated with massive change. Limit the harsh effects of a new environment by bringing some of your old environment with you. Pictures of family, favorite decorations, blankets, books, etc... Having parts of your old environment in the picture with help you acclimate more easily and personal items have a calming effect on stressed minds. That is why children so often have comfort items.

2. STOMPING GROUNDS

Let me start by saying: DON'T DO WHAT I DO... I tend to curl up and hide when I'm uncomfortable. OK, not really, but emotionally I do. I reject the unfamiliar and stay within the tightest bounds possible: work, school, home, work, school, home....

This method doesn't work well for me and it won't work well for you either. In fact, because I know this method doesn't work, I am going to try very hard not to fall into it when I get to Wichita. What I'm going to do instead is familiarize myself with the city. I'm going to visit restaurants, stores, and parks. I'm going to look at a map to figure out the layout of the city and what the best routes are. I'm going to let myself get lost (after I'm sure my GPS is working.) By becoming familiar with my new environment, I will establish it as a comfort zone. Instead of feeling isolated and uncomfortable, I will hopefully begin to recreate the familiarity I had with my old home and job and school.

3. FRIENDS

Friends are a hard change to make. We make friends with people for a reason. We like them. When we have to leave and find new friends, it is easy to search for the perfect person and be overly critical when "Sally" is different then "Jessica," who you left back home. Don't fall into this trap. You can remain friends with people you knew before and make friends with new people too. Embrace everyone for who they are. New friends are part of new experiences and they make life in a new place more bearable.


I only hope I can follow my own advice. Au revoir, Tulsa!