10 Truths about Writing, Life, and The Writing Life

It has been a while, folks. I've gone through a break up, started a new business, and finished my thesis (mostly) since I last posted here, and there are a few things I've learned about writing (and life) along the way. Here are the ten most prominent.

1. There are two types of good writing: good ideas, and good prose. 

You've seen the good idea writing. There's a good story there, you say, but the execution's terrible. Well the opposite is true as well: too often I've read beautiful, intricate sentences and intense descriptions, but remained unfulfilled by the piece as a whole because it lacked originality and perspective.  When you write, try for both good ideas and good prose.

2. Most of the people who criticize you are jealous of you; therefore, choose those whom you listen to wisely. 

I found this out the hard way, and to be honest, I am still finding it out (or at least reminding myself of this) every time I hear something hateful about my writing. It's hard to put your writing out there. I know. You pour your heart and soul and blood and tears into your work, and to have it torn apart is worse than having a knife in your gut. Some people will tell you that you have to get used to it, and you do. Faulkner would tell you to "kill your darlings," and he's right too.

But there is a huge difference between severe yet ultimately constructive criticism and vindictive jealous criticism. So the big question you might have now is how can you tell the difference?

Well, its hard sometimes, but the main thing I look for is whether or not the critic is being specific. As harsh as some criticism may be, if the critic takes the time to point out specific errors or explicitly state why a passage isn't working, I know that he or she intended to be helpful, whereas if a critic makes a lot of general statements like "this isn't working," or "I just don't feel connected to your protagonist," then you can be fairly certain his or her comments can be thrown out. Another thing to consider when choosing which critics you will listen to is their own work. Do you respect the work of the person? If you do, then his or her thoughts might be worth considering. If you do not respect that person's work, then why are you wasting your time worrying about his or her advice?

3. The main challenge of writing isn't writer's block or lack of inspiration: it is lack of discipline.

One of my wise and influential professors told me this when I graduated from undergrad, but it took me most of grad school to understand its import. I would elaborate more here, but this piece of advice is really something you just have to come to understand for yourself.

4. When your heart is broken, work (that you love) is the best medicine. 

I don't deal well with heartbreak. Seriously, we're talking oceans of tears,  depression, weight loss (bonus, but not a good way to go about it), headaches, and more. I tried yoga (which helps except when you are too depressed for yoga), prayer (which helps, but doesn't distract you), and hang outs with friends (which help temporarily, but let's face it, your friends can't be there 24/7 and they're tired of your mopy face after the first three days anyway). But what ultimately helped me the most was jumping into my work. Now, I've tried this before and it really doesn't work when I don't love my job, but because I have a passion for the work I do now, I feel energized and productive and confident when I'm putting increased effort into my career and getting results. Another version of this, I suppose, is the advice that tells you to focus on yourself. I want to go one step further with that advice: focus on advancing yourself. This doesn't have to be career related, but it does need to be you related. Focus on improving your health, your finances, your spirituality, or your mental stability.

5. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, even if they're public. 

Mistakes are a part of life and when we fear mistakes we don't take risks. When we don't take risks, we don't reap the rewards of potential successes and we don't learn from failures. It is better to make a mistake, learn from it, and deal with the fall out than to walk through life as just a shadow of the person you could be. 

6. Don't be afraid to be yourself, even if you're not who others want you to be.

It can be tempting at times to adjust our behavior to appease those we care about. Even if we aren't aware that we're modifying ourselves, such actions have severe consequences. Something as simple as turning down a job to be closer to a partner or quitting a hobby to appease a loved one can cause us to lose our identity or feel disconnected. Ultimately such seemingly small compromises eat away at your identity until the true you disappears.

7. Always journal.

If you are a writer (and even if you're not) I want to urge you to keep a journal and to write in it daily. I used to be a lot better about this than I have been lately, but I realized after the fact that if I had been journaling regularly like I used to, I would likely not have made the mistakes that I made.

Journaling helps me to sort out my thoughts and feelings and to reach clarity. Journaling also keeps me writing. When I am journaling regularly, I also write regularly elsewhere.

8. Dance if you feel like it (even in Walmart).

This advice really has nothing to do with dancing in Walmart. The point is that you should do what you like (within reason) and enjoy it. This is kind of a natural extension to number 6. Doing things that you enjoy is part of being who you are.

9. Schedule time to edit and submit work (and research places to submit).

I learned this the hard way. After scheduling writing time and continually telling myself that I could edit within that time frame, and then continually failing to ever get editing and submitting done, I decided that the editing and submitting was equally important to the writing and thus deserved a special time slot on my calendar. It only has to be one or two hours a day (or week, depending on how much you write. I write for five hours a day and I edit/submit/research places to submit for about an hour a day.)

10. Keep a calendar (and use it).

You will get nothing done if you don't organize your time. You might think you can organize your time sufficiently in your head, but get over it: you can't. Go ahead, cry into some Haagen-Dazs then get your ass to Target and buy a planner (or just exercise your thumb and open the calendar app on  your phone).

Sanity and Change

It has been a while since my last post. I have spent that time working and packing and settling my mind with the idea that I am moving to Wichita. I'm scared. Yes, it is irrational. I know. As much as I tell myself everything will be fine, I can't make myself believe it.

I don't handle change well. To be honest, I never have. Every time I move, switch jobs, or even cancel a night at the movies, I am thrown into upheaval. I like to be in control and when I'm not, I panic.

What does this have to do with you? Well, nothing... directly... but I have the feeling that I'm not the only one who struggles with change. Change pushes us out of our comfort zones. We are forced to expand our horizons, make new friends, and learn new things. Sometimes it is hard but much of the time it is rewarding as well. All that said, here are a few tips of staying sane through life's upheavals.

1. FAMILIARITY

If you are moving to a new place or even a new office, the upset of a new environment can stress out your psyche even without the additional stresses associated with massive change. Limit the harsh effects of a new environment by bringing some of your old environment with you. Pictures of family, favorite decorations, blankets, books, etc... Having parts of your old environment in the picture with help you acclimate more easily and personal items have a calming effect on stressed minds. That is why children so often have comfort items.

2. STOMPING GROUNDS

Let me start by saying: DON'T DO WHAT I DO... I tend to curl up and hide when I'm uncomfortable. OK, not really, but emotionally I do. I reject the unfamiliar and stay within the tightest bounds possible: work, school, home, work, school, home....

This method doesn't work well for me and it won't work well for you either. In fact, because I know this method doesn't work, I am going to try very hard not to fall into it when I get to Wichita. What I'm going to do instead is familiarize myself with the city. I'm going to visit restaurants, stores, and parks. I'm going to look at a map to figure out the layout of the city and what the best routes are. I'm going to let myself get lost (after I'm sure my GPS is working.) By becoming familiar with my new environment, I will establish it as a comfort zone. Instead of feeling isolated and uncomfortable, I will hopefully begin to recreate the familiarity I had with my old home and job and school.

3. FRIENDS

Friends are a hard change to make. We make friends with people for a reason. We like them. When we have to leave and find new friends, it is easy to search for the perfect person and be overly critical when "Sally" is different then "Jessica," who you left back home. Don't fall into this trap. You can remain friends with people you knew before and make friends with new people too. Embrace everyone for who they are. New friends are part of new experiences and they make life in a new place more bearable.


I only hope I can follow my own advice. Au revoir, Tulsa!